and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
