Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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