Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
