All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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