Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
