I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
