good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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