i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
