There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
