You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
