is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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