Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
