I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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