she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
