I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
