Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
