im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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