morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
