I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Randomize
