onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
