It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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