You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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