Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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