Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this beer tastes like vomit already
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
