Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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