called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
