He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
