just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
