i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
