I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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