I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
