dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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