fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
