Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
