I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
