make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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