peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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