im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize