Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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