I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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