He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
