Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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