Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
