The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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