You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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