Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just forgot I was standing up.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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