I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
