at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
