I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
