I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is Oprah even human
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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