My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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