I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
