checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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