Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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