You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize