So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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