I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
