I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
