2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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