gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
