I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
