Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize