I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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