I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
