If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
